1 Week Postpartum

I am 1 week postpartum now. I can't believe how fast that week went by. I weighed in today at 151. I still have 20-25 lbs. left to lose which is a lot. Hopefully it will start coming off faster. I have been trying to eat somewhat healthy and eat smaller portions. I am just not a good dieter and it is too early to start exercising even if I wanted to. My boobs started to go down a little bit today and they weren't quite so painful. They are still very sore and very hard though. I will be so glad when this is over with. I can't wait to be able to take a normal shower. Right now I have to keep my back to the shower so I don't trigger anything. It is so hard to feel completely clean when you can't face forward. I haven't had a glass of wine or a beer yet either, because of my milk coming in. I heard it can stimulate it more. Since I have to wear a sports bra constantly also I still have not went to the tanning bed. I am looking forward to both of those things in the next week. My bleeding has gotten a lot better. I barely have any anymore and my cramping is all pretty much gone also. I have to say overall I feel a ton better now than I did the last 3 months of being pregnant. I am tired some, but not nearly as tired as I thought I would be. I know it is just a matter of time and it will catch up to me. Jason and I have a good system for each other. I do any feedings and getting up that happen before 2:00 a.m. and he does any thing after that. It is nice because there have been a couple of nights that were a little rough and I kept looking at the clock counting down until it was 2:00 a.m., so Jason could take over. I find myself enjoying my time with Jax more than I did with Christian. I think I can appreciate it more now that I know how quickly it all goes by and you never get it back. I am trying to make the most of every minute I have with both of my boys. There are so many times I would love to go back and hold and rock Christian as a baby and really just enjoy that moment rather than being so stressed about every move I made. I am so amazed at how good Christian has done adjusting to everything. He is such a big help and he is so sweet with Jax. I just feel so thankful and blessed right now. So far the only thing I miss from being pregnant is feeling Jax kick and move inside me. I think that might be the only thing I will ever miss about being pregnant. I am so glad to not have heartburn anymore and I love that I can bend over to pick things up with out too much trouble. I honestly don't think I could have asked for a better recovery so far. I am still trying to get a routine down, but I haven't been stressing too much about it yet. I have been just enjoying getting up and not having anything that I have to do other than be with my boys. I go back to work for the first time on Friday. I am only going in for a couple of hours, but I do need to start getting a routine down, so I can juggle everything without getting too overwhelmed. One thing I struggle with right now is when Jax is sleeping I need to let him sleep in his bassinet or crib. I can't help but want to hold him constantly. I did this with Christian and I have never regretted it for one second. The only reason why I feel guilty now is because I don't want Christian to think I pay more attention to Jax than him. I try my best to always be talking and interacting with Christian while I have Jax and even when I don't have him. I always try to include Christian on helping with Jax also. I still just can't help but feel torn between the two of them sometimes. I worry sometimes that Christian is going to think that Jax is taking his place and that is not the case at all. I am sure these are all normal feelings to have when becoming a Mommy of two for the first time. I am relieved that my emotions have more under control this time also. With Christian I was an emotional wreck! I am hoping to lose more weight in this next week and maybe start some kind of routine with my boys.