2 Weeks Postpartum

I am 2 weeks postpartum today. I can't believe it has already been two weeks since I had my sweet baby. My recovery is going really good still. I weighed in today at 142 lbs. I still have 10 to 15 more to go and those last 10 to 15 pounds are definitely the hardest to get off. I still haven't been doing anything to try and loose it other than eating smaller portions and not eating out so much. I think I am definitely going to have to do some toning this time. I think I feel so much flabbier than I was after Christian. I am wondering if I am going to be able to still wear a bikini this summer with all this extra flab. Hopefully I can get motivated in a couple of weeks to do some sit-ups and some leg exercises. My boobs are almost all the way down now. They don't hurt at all any more, but they do have a tendency to leak just a little every once in awhile, so I am still wearing a bra 24/7. My bleeding has slowed down a lot also. I will be glad when that is all done with too. I am hoping only another week of it and it will be gone completely. I had my first day back at work this past Friday and it went really good. I was a little sad to leave my boys. My mom came over to our house to watch them for me. I was only gone a total of 3 hours and I think that was a perfect amount. I got just a little teary eyed on my way to work, but I didn't cry like I did when I left Christian for the first time. By the time I finished up with my clients I was glad I hadn't scheduled anymore. I was tired and feeling crampy from being on my feet for those 2 1/2 hours. I will say that once I got there it felt good to be there and working. I would much rather come back slow and easy like this than be off for several weeks and then be slammed when I go back. My next day to work is tonight and I am quite a bit busier tonight than I was on Friday, so I am hoping that things go as well tonight as they did on Friday. Jax has slept really good the last 2 nights, so at least I have gotten good sleep and I am going to try and take it easy around the house today, so I will have plenty of energy tonight. I am surprised at how well emotionally I have been recovering also. I know with Christian I cried a lot after I had him. I mostly would cry because I was happy, but sometimes it would feel like an extreme case of PMS where I would cry over every little thing. I haven't cried once so far. I feel like I am in a lot better control of my emotions this time. I do have some irritability, but it is no different than when I am going to start my period or something. Our first week home we were overwhelmed with lots of visitors we love having company, but I will say it has been kind of nice to have a couple of days this week to ourselves. I look forward to our evenings when Jason gets home form work and we eat supper together and then go down stairs and all cuddle on the couch and watch a movie with Christian until bedtime. This past Saturday Jason and I made sure to not have anything planned so we could just relax and hang out as a family. I have to say I am looking forward to warmer weather, but at the same time I don't mind the cold nasty weather because then I don't feel quite as guilty laying around the house on the weekends and during the week. Christian has started acting up just a little bit more in the last couple of days. He is still so excited and so good with Jax, but it just seems like he is testing us more and more. I can't help but feel guilty sometimes for coming down so hard on him too. I know this has been a huge adjustment for him and he has done much better than expected. I struggle with do I ease up on him because he is still adjusting and let some things slide, or do I stand my ground and continue to discipline him as much as I have been. I have no tolerance for whining, crying, and being told No. I am trying to not overreact as much and have a little more patience. I try to just calmly tell him to go sit in time out or to go to his room. I do good the first time I tell him, but by the time I get to the second and third I am usually raising my voice and and loosing my temper. Overall I feel like we all are adjusting better than I expected to having two kids. I have had a harder time keeping up with all my blogs. I almost have them all caught up from the last two weeks. I am hoping that by this weekend I will be all caught up! Then can start working on some of my other projects. I am wanting to make a montage of Jax's birth like Alisann made of Christian's, so I can show it after Jax's Baptism. I haven't hardly started on it yet, so I have a long way to go on that one. I need to make several photobooks still and I need to clean out Christian's closet and organize some of his stuff. We have asked Christian this week if he likes having a baby brother and he always says yes. We asked him if he wanted us to have another one sometime and he said that he does, but he wants a girl. If things continue to go as well for us as they have in the last two weeks I think we will start trying again next spring. We would love to have 2 boys and 2 girls. Jason isn't as crazy about the idea of 4 as I am, but I think since this has gone so much better than we both imagined he is more inclined to go for 4. Hopefully things will go smoothly for us when we do start trying again. Last night when Jason got home from work I took a much needed relaxing bath and Jason made me a margarita to enjoy while I was in there. It was so good! I have been wanting one of those for 9 months. I still haven't made it to the tanning bed yet. Maybe I will get there one day this week. My goals this week are to have my blogs caught up, start on the montage, go to the tanning bed, and to lose 5 more lbs. Hopefully I can accomplish these few things and continue to recover as good and quickly as I have been.

1 Week Postpartum

I am 1 week postpartum now. I can't believe how fast that week went by. I weighed in today at 151. I still have 20-25 lbs. left to lose which is a lot. Hopefully it will start coming off faster. I have been trying to eat somewhat healthy and eat smaller portions. I am just not a good dieter and it is too early to start exercising even if I wanted to. My boobs started to go down a little bit today and they weren't quite so painful. They are still very sore and very hard though. I will be so glad when this is over with. I can't wait to be able to take a normal shower. Right now I have to keep my back to the shower so I don't trigger anything. It is so hard to feel completely clean when you can't face forward. I haven't had a glass of wine or a beer yet either, because of my milk coming in. I heard it can stimulate it more. Since I have to wear a sports bra constantly also I still have not went to the tanning bed. I am looking forward to both of those things in the next week. My bleeding has gotten a lot better. I barely have any anymore and my cramping is all pretty much gone also. I have to say overall I feel a ton better now than I did the last 3 months of being pregnant. I am tired some, but not nearly as tired as I thought I would be. I know it is just a matter of time and it will catch up to me. Jason and I have a good system for each other. I do any feedings and getting up that happen before 2:00 a.m. and he does any thing after that. It is nice because there have been a couple of nights that were a little rough and I kept looking at the clock counting down until it was 2:00 a.m., so Jason could take over. I find myself enjoying my time with Jax more than I did with Christian. I think I can appreciate it more now that I know how quickly it all goes by and you never get it back. I am trying to make the most of every minute I have with both of my boys. There are so many times I would love to go back and hold and rock Christian as a baby and really just enjoy that moment rather than being so stressed about every move I made. I am so amazed at how good Christian has done adjusting to everything. He is such a big help and he is so sweet with Jax. I just feel so thankful and blessed right now. So far the only thing I miss from being pregnant is feeling Jax kick and move inside me. I think that might be the only thing I will ever miss about being pregnant. I am so glad to not have heartburn anymore and I love that I can bend over to pick things up with out too much trouble. I honestly don't think I could have asked for a better recovery so far. I am still trying to get a routine down, but I haven't been stressing too much about it yet. I have been just enjoying getting up and not having anything that I have to do other than be with my boys. I go back to work for the first time on Friday. I am only going in for a couple of hours, but I do need to start getting a routine down, so I can juggle everything without getting too overwhelmed. One thing I struggle with right now is when Jax is sleeping I need to let him sleep in his bassinet or crib. I can't help but want to hold him constantly. I did this with Christian and I have never regretted it for one second. The only reason why I feel guilty now is because I don't want Christian to think I pay more attention to Jax than him. I try my best to always be talking and interacting with Christian while I have Jax and even when I don't have him. I always try to include Christian on helping with Jax also. I still just can't help but feel torn between the two of them sometimes. I worry sometimes that Christian is going to think that Jax is taking his place and that is not the case at all. I am sure these are all normal feelings to have when becoming a Mommy of two for the first time. I am relieved that my emotions have more under control this time also. With Christian I was an emotional wreck! I am hoping to lose more weight in this next week and maybe start some kind of routine with my boys.

Engorgement & Still Recovering

Well, whoever said the second time around doesn't hurt as bad when your milk comes in was wrong. I swear this is every bit as bad as the first time around and I'm not even breast feeding. It started Saturday morning when I woke up I noticed that my boobs were more tender and a little bigger. I was a little shocked because I didn't expect there the milk to come in until Sunday or Monday. As the day went on they gradually got more sore and swollen. By Saturday night it was almost unbearable. I was in a ton of pain and they were huge. Jason said that he could tell that I was in pain because i actually winced and touched my hands to my chest when I was sleeping Saturday night. When Jax woke up in the middle of the night Saturday night I could barely it up. It felt like there was a ton of bricks on my chest. I could only lay on my back to sleep, because rolling over to one side or the other was so painful. I didn't mind one bit getting up and rocking and holding Jax. In fact I loved it, but my boobs hurt so bad that it about killed me to do it. I don't know what it is about this second time around, but so far I am adjusting to things so much better than I did with Christian. I think a lot of it has to do that I actually feel so much better right now than when I did while I was pregnant. I am definitly enjoying this newborn stage so much more than before. I think to I know how quickly it goes by and you never get it back, so enjoy it while you can and so far that is exactly what I have been doing. Don't get me wrong I am tired, but I can still function. I am actually probably able to do more things comfortably now than when I was pregnant and Thank god I don't have heartburn anymore. That alone is a huge relief. If I could just get my boobs to go down and quit hurting I would be in great shape. I have been getting on the scale each day since we have been home. I'm afraid it is going to take longer than I thought to lose the weight that I want. I am only down to 152. I am trying to eat somewhat healthy and not eat too much. I think I am still carrying water weight also. I am hoping once I am over the whole milk coming in thing that more weight will come off. I did get my wedding ring and my other ring back on today, so that was nice. i was also able to wear my regular jeans to our photo shoot yesterday. I didn't button them all the way though because I didn't want to have muffin top. I am definitely not near as emotional this time as I was after having Christian. I can remember crying over everything when I had him. I cried just looking at him because he was just so cute. I haven't had any melt downs so far. My bleeding has slowed down a lot also which is good. With Christian I bled heavy for weeks and it took almost 6 weeks for it to totally go away. I could see it only taking a couple of weeks this time. If things continue to go just as smoothly as they are now I think I could have ten kids. Jason would probably freak out hearing that. It definitely makes 4 sounding more possible. I just wish I had easier pregnancies. I am praying and keeping my fingers crossed that everything continues to go smoothly around here. It has definitely been such a blessing so far!

Surviving The First Night

Jax did so awesome last night. I couldn't believe it. I kind of prepared myself for the worst and had expected to be up every other hour. Jason fed Jax at around 10:30 and we went to bed when he was finished. I laid him in his bassinet and he went right to sleep. He started making some noises around 12:45 and I gave him his passy and he went back to sleep. I heard him again around 2:00 and realized that it was time to feed him. I fed him a 2 oz. bottle, changed his diaper, and laid him back down and he went right to sleep again. He woke up around 4:30 and Jason fed him another 2 oz. bottle and put him right back to sleep. Christian woke up around 6:45 and Jason took him downstairs to watch a movie. I was actually already awake because I needed to take more Ibuprofen and my boobs were killing me. Jaxson slept through all this. He made a couple of noises around 7:00 and I wanted to hold him so I snuggled with him for a little bit since I knew I wasn't going to go back to sleep. I fed him a 2 oz. bottle at around 8:00 and he was good to go. He did have a huge blowout in his diaper right after his bottle. He got his gown, his blankets and even our sheets all a mess. I hope the rest of the nights continue to go this well. Christian was a very good baby, but he needed to eat every two hours and I think it is because since I started off breast feeding with him it got him in that habit and then it was hard to break him of it. It is much nicer going every 3 to 4 hours instead. I can function on that! I am surprised at how bad my boobs are already hurting. I didn't expect this to happen until maybe tomorrow or the next day. Hopefully by tomorrow they will go down and be better. I will say the pain isn't as bad as last time but it definitely is still painful.

Confusing Emotions

While I was in the hospital I was having some confusing emotions. Things are better now, but at first when I had Jax I was worried because I didn't feel this strong bond between us. It was like he didn't feel like he was mine. I think I expected him to come out and that I would have this strong unbelievable bond between us like I have with Christian. When I didn't feel that way I thought something has got to be wrong with me or I am a horrible mother. My mom said that it was totally normal and she felt like that after each of her kids. My mom said that hormones are partly to blame and then that it also takes time to build that bond. It isn't something that is automatically there. Of course I love Jax to death it was never a question about how much I loved him it was mostly about how close I felt to him. It was all very confusing for me and I didn't expect to feel that way. I think it was hard to because I was missing Christian and things seemed different between us when he came to visit. I think that all had a lot to do with me being in the hospital in bed and stuff. I think it kind of scared him. The more I cuddle and hold Jax the more attached and close I become. I don't really feel quite as confused anymore. It was mostly yesterday that I was a little freaked out by the way I was feeling.

Second Day Of Recovery

I am still recovering surprisingly well from everything. I am a little more sore today than yesterday, but I think I may have over done things a little bit by being up moving around yesterday. I need to remember that even though I feel okay I still need to take it easy so my body can fully heal properly. We made it home safe and sound from the hospital and I got to rest and lay on the couch with Jax for awhile. Hopefully things will continue to heal and do better. I am not looking forward to my milk coming in and dealing with that. I am trying to keep them wrapped up tight to try and help with it. Hopefully Jax will be a good boy tonight and we can get a good system down with him. So far he is so good and Christian is adjusting to everything really well. Life couldn't be better right now! I thank God all the time for making this so much easier this time. If things keep going so well I think Jason and I both will be ready for another one sooner than we thought. I know after I had Christian the thought of being pregnant again was pretty much unbearable. I knew we would have more kids, but I couldn't even think or talk about it at the time because I was in so much pain and was so overwhelmed and stressed with everything. This time is so much easier. I will say I am a little nervous still about balancing both of them by myself during the day and having to get myself ready for work.

First Day Of Recovery

My first day of recovery went very well. It took a while before my right leg wasn't numb anymore and I was slow moving to go to the bathroom the first couple of times. My butt felt like someone took a ball bat and beat it and I had some cramping, but it wasn't too much worst than period cramps. I slept really good last night and felt pretty good this morning. It took me a couple of weeks to feel as good as I do now after I had Christian. It is amazing the difference it makes in having a smooth delivery and a rough one on how well you recover from it. I think not having to worry about breast feeding is helping make a difference also. It is just one less thing to have to stress about.

Welcoming Jaxson Kenneth

Jaxson Kenneth Pickerill was born at 2:58 p.m. on January 12, 2011. He weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. He got a 9 on his APGAR test. He is just absolutely perfect. After they cleaned him up and checked him out my Grandma was the first to hold him. After she held him for a minute she handed him to Jason. Jason was pretty overwhelmed with emotion and started to cry a little. I think he was just so relieved that everything went okay with me this time and that his baby boy was here safe and sound. After Jason finished hold him for a little bit. Mom, Jamie and Alisann all took a turn. We hurried and called Mary so she could bring up Christian before we had anyone else come in the room. Everything was just so wonderful!

Labor & Delivery With Jaxson

I really could not have asked for a better labor and delivery when it was all said and done. Everything went to smoothly and relaxed from the time I walked into the hospital to the time that I delivered Jax. I got to 4cm at around 10:00. They checked me again at 12:00 and I was at 5cm. My Grandma showed up at around 1:00 p.m. and I felt bad because I thought it could still be several hours and I hated for her to have to wait. Dr. Leinenbach came in to check me at 1:30 and I was complete. It was funny because when she checked me and I asked her what I was she said,'Oh, about a 9 and 95% thinned'. I was shocked and I asked her if I should call my mom to hurry and get here. She said all calmly that yeah she better come on up if she wants to be here. Then she kind of laughed and said that I was actually complete and that I could start pushing now if I wanted. I was like 'oh my gosh'! She actually wanted me to labor down for a while though so I wouldn't have to end up pushing for so long. She wanted my body to do the work naturally for a while to make it easier and smoother on me. That was fine with me. We hung out for another 45 minutes to an hour and my mom got there in plenty of time. At around 2:30 it was time to start pushing. After the first push you could already see his head a little bit. I had my mom and Grandma wait out in the waiting room while I did the pushing. I had Alisann and Jamie and Jason all in the room to help and give me support. Also to have them video tape and take pictures. The pushing ended up being kind of comical this time. When I first started having to push I forgot how to do it all effectively and of course I could feel nothing. I got all my breathing messed up. On about the second or third push I took a big deep breath and as soon as I got it all in I exhaled it all and started laughing because I knew I totally screwed that push up. My only complaint on the whole thing was that I had heartburn really bad for some reason and there was nothing that I could take. I don't know how I got it since I hadn't ate in anything since dinner the night before. Everytime I would go to take a deep breath and then bear down to push this big ball of fire would just well up and go all the way up from my chest to my neck and then it would make me feel like I needed to puke or something. I could have done so much better pushing had I not had that. I couldn't hold my breath for long because the fire would make me release it. I ended up only pushing for about 15 minutes and then she had me stop so she could get the doctor. My last push was almost too much and we didn't want to have Jax without the doctor. Dr. Leinenbach was in in no time and had me push once more but had me stop in the middle because he was coming fast and I wasn't scrubbed down and she wasn't fully ready either. Not to mention they didn't quite have everything set up yet. Everyone quickly got into position and my mom and Grandma came in the room. It was only one contraction and about three little pushes and he was out! It all went so smoothly and easily. She said I didn't tear hardly at all. That I had some rub burns and that was it. She put just a couple of small stitches in and that was it. I got to hold Jax for a what seemed like a long time while she cleaned me up and finished up with me. Jason got to cut the cord this time which was nice. I just was in shock at how good I felt when it was all over and that everything went exactly as planned. I played my music just like I wanted things progressed quickly, but not too quickly. I don't think there could have been a more picture perfect delivery. Cherrie our nurse even said that it was one of the easiest and best deliveries she had ever seen!