Last Day Of Maternity Leave

Today is my last day of my maternity leave. It has been really nice being off for two full weeks. This past week has been really great getting to spend so much time with my mom and the boys and not having to worry about being anyplace in particular at any certain time. We decided to spend our last day together going to the 'pirate ship' park to play and have a picnic. Jax absolutely loved sitting at the little kids picnic table with his snacks. it was the perfect size for him! Christian had fun playing on all the playground stuff especially the big wooden pirate ship. After the boys were tired of playing there we decided to stop by Alisann's house for a little bit so the boys could play there. They set up a lemonade stand and sold some lemonade and that was so cute and lots of fun. Part of me is ready to get back into the swing of things with work and part of me is really not wanting to go back. I know once I go I will be gald I am back doing what I love and I don't have to work for very long (2 1/2 hours). I will miss just not having anything that I really have to do though. I don't know what I would do if I had to work full time. There is no way I could do that. I love the schedule that I have and it gives me the perfect balance of being able to work and do what I love and also get to be home with my kids almost full time. I think physically I should be fine tomorrow also. I have been feeling stronger and better everyday!

So In Love

I don't know what it is about my sweet baby Lucas, but I am just so in love with him! he has got to be the sweetest thing in the whole world. He is such a good little baby also! I could sit and just stare at him all day and never put him down!

One Week Postpartum

Well, I made it through my first week and I am weighing in at 151 lbs. That is not too bad. I am hoping to continue to lose a lot in the next few weeks. My boobs are starting to not hurt as bad. I am still bleeding quite a bit. I will be glad when I don't have to worry about these two things so much. I am still wearing a sports bra 24/7 and I am keeping my back to the shower. This is such a pain. I am taking my ibuprofen pain medicine about every 8 hours now and that is going okay. I am still sore when I get to doing too much. I get pretty tired in the afternoons, so I have been taking a nap then. I love cuddling on the couch with Lucas while the other boys take their naps. I am still emotional and a little paranoid over things, but I do think it is getting a little better. I have been sweating a lot at night, so at least I know I am getting rid of some water weight. Jason starts back to work next week. I have really liked having him home with us this week. My mom is planning on coming over everyday to help me with Jax since I can't pick him up at all yet. That really has been one of the hardest things so far on having a C-section. It is just as mentally hard as it is physically. I hate not being able to just pick up my big baby boy and hold him in my arms when I want to or when he wants me to. I am going to try and get myself in a routine this week since I have my mom's help. That will be the key to surviving these three boys!

Paranoid

The last several days and really ever since the delivery I have been so paranoid about something bad happening to Lucas. I am sure it has to do with the trauma of my delivery. I just can't shake the fact that I think something bad might happen. I keep thinking that he is going to die very soon. I just don't see how we could be so lucky as to have 3 healthy, beautiful, baby boys. I just keep thinking that God is going to take take our sweet wonderful baby from us. I had a bad feeling a few weeks to months before my delivery that something bad was going to happen, and I still just can't shake this bad feeling. I think it is more enhanced now after going through the stress of the delivery and also with my hormones being all out of whack. I just love this little guy so much all ready and I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what it is about Lucas, but From the moment I saw him and when they placed him in my arms I felt this instant bond. I didn't have this feeling as strong and as soon after having the other boys. I keep telling Jason that Lucas is my baby and he will be his Mama's boy. This doesn't mean that I love my other boys any less or don't feel as close, because that is not the case at all. I just didn't expect to feel so strongly so soon with Lucas. I hope I am able to relax soon and that this paranoia is for nothing.

Doctor's Appointment For My Stitches

This afternoon I went to the doctor to have my outside stitch removed. I still have the surgical tape over my incision and I can take that off by next weekend if it doesn't come off by itself before then. It took no time at all to take it out and I barely felt it. I weighed 151 lbs. which was pretty good for my first week postpartum. I asked her about being able to deliver vaginally for my next delivery and she said we could talk about it more later but that it was definitely a possibility. She said that there are risks involved, but there are also risks involved with another c-section. I'm just glad that it is at least an option. I don't know why but I just feel like I got off easy and that I didn't get to deliver my own child. I am glad I at least got to try a push a couple of times, but it is still not the same as being able to actually deliver a baby the natural way. jason kept telling me at the hospital how good I did and I couldn't help but think that I didn't do anything and I was disappointed by that. All I did was lay on a table and let them cut me open and pull Lucas out. I would much rather do that than put my baby at risk don't get me wrong, but I am still disappointed and feel a little like a failure I didn't push him out myself. Dr. Leinenbach also assured me that stripping my membranes and waiting to break my water had no effect on the way things went. She said that I would have gone into labor on my own even if she wouldn't have stripped my membranes, being that I went into labor so quickly and that I labored so fast. She also said that if she would have broke my water sooner that she would have had to section me sooner and that I wouldn't have even had the opportunity to try and push. She was really confident that everything went as best as it could have given the situation of the delivery. She felt so bad for how everything went. I of course do not blame her one bit and I am just so thankful to have such a wonderful doctor. I am so glad that Lucas and I both are doing just fine and had she not acted as quickly and paid such close attention to me, things could have gone a very different way!

Recovering Update

Things are still going well with my recovery. I am now completely off the prescription pain meds and doing fine with just the ibuprofen. It is really hard to not be able to pick up Jax. I am really hoping that Dr. Leinenbach will tell me that I can pick him up now when I go to the doctor tomorrow. Jason has been off work this week which has been such a big big help. He is going to work a half day tomorrow, so it will ease me back into him being gone all day. My boobs are still really sore and it really sucks taking a shower with my back to the water and having to wear a sports bra 24/7. I will be so glad when they start to go down. I am still sore some and I still have to take it easy. I am also really tired in the afternoons. It is just complete exhaustion and my body just feels like shutting down. I have also been sweating a lot at night. I think I am losing all the water weight from the IVs in the hospital. I have still been a little emotional, but I think it has a lot to do with my hormones and getting off the pain meds. I will just be so glad to get everything back in and with my body back to normal, so I can function better.

First Night Home

We could not have had a better first night home. Jason fed Lucas at 9:30 and then we went to bed. I got up with him at 1:30 and I actually had to wake him up at that time. Dr. Voyles said that he needs to eat every 4 hours. Then Jason got up with him at 6:00 a.m. I know it is still early and i hate to speak to soon, but I think he might be even better than our other two boys. I don't know how we got so blessed! The only downfall right now is that I am still pretty sore and I am down to taking only one percaset and three ibuprofen every 6 hours. My goal is to be able to be off the prescription meds by tomorrow and to only take the three ibuprofen every six hours. We will see how that goes.

Engorgement & Recovery

Yesterday my milk started to come in. This is one thing that I always dread. It is so painful! I didn't get much sleep my last night in the hospital because of this. I kept ice packs on them all night and that did help some. I am trying to take my pain medicine every 6 hours now instead of every 4. So far that seems to be going okay. I am pretty sore still. I think as long as I take it easy and don't try to do too much I will be fine. The pain is different than I expected it to be. I am surprised at how much burning I have where the incision is. It feels like the worst rug burn imaginable. The aching and cramping and soreness reminds me of a regular delivery only in a different spot. Saturday night was the first night that I was able to get out of bed and walk around and take a shower. I actually felt pretty good and thought things didn't seem to bad. All the nurses kept commenting on how good I was doing and they couldn't believe how good I was getting around. They all did warn me that the next day would be the worst and they were right. I Did good during the day and I was up moving around as much as possible, but by Sunday night I was miserable. I walked the halls, but I was moving much slower than the night before and I felt like my progress was going backwards. One of my nurses told me to sleep as flat as possible in my hospital bed because that would help with the incision and standing up. I did that Sunday night and it made a huge difference when I got up Monday morning I felt much better. Now my emotions was a different story on Monday. I was very emotional and feeling very overwhelmed on Monday morning. Looking back now I think it was my hormones and coming off the pain medicine that was in my IV's. Alisann came to visit me and I ended up balling my eyes out. I just felt so overwhelmed with everything. I was such a nervous wreck about having my third one so close with my second and that was with a normal recovery. I just didn't know how I was going to manage not being able to pick up Jax and having to take care of three little ones and myself. Now that we are home things seem so much more manageable and I wonder why I was so worried and upset yesterday morning. I think as long as I take it one day at a time I will make it through this recovery process. So far I think it is going better than expected!

Going Home

This morning we got to come home from the hospital. I was feeling so much better today than I did the last two days emotionally and physically. Lucas had his circumcision first thing this morning. Jason and I had breakfast and got our stuff packed and loaded up. Mom brought Jax and Christian up to the hospital for the ride home and to help get Lucas ready to go. It was so warm outside today, but I had to still dress him in his going home outfit. You would have thought that it was the middle of winter by the looks of him. He looked so cute in his outfits. Once we got loaded in the van we were ready to head home. I finally got to play the Welcome to The Family song for him while we drove home. My mom followed us to our house to make sure we got in okay. It was such a beautiful day that we sat outside and let Christian and Jax play while I held Lucas! I was so glad to have him home with us. After we took some naps we stopped by Jason's work and then went over to my parents house for dinner and for Alisann to take some outdoor newborn photos of Lucas. I am dying to see them! We got home kind of late, but we hung out in the basement with our three boys until it was time for bed. I am anxious to see ho this first night home goes!