Stressed & Worried

Well I started my period on Friday, October 11. I am so stressed and worried about everything thing. I am even more anxious and ready to have baby number 4 now, but I am thinking that Jason and I are not on the same page anymore. Jason has recently found out that he is going on an Elk hunt next September and I recently found out that my brother John is engaged and is getting married on July 5th next summer. If we try and I get pregnant this next month I will be due July 18th and I usually go early, so that puts me due right around the time of John's wedding and I am not too concerned other than the fact that I will be huge in all of the pictures and he is getting married in Louisville which isn't too far away but if I would go into labor it does make me nervous to gone almost 2 hours from my doctor. Jason is now saying that he wants to wait a couple of months on trying because he doesn't want to have a new baby so close to when he is leaving on the elk hunt and during his busy time at work. Jason wants to have a baby in the spring and that is it. I am so frustrated because we don't' get pregnant easily enough to just pick what month we ant to have a baby. I feel like we have been trying for a few months now and it hasn't happened yet, so to stop now and then to start trying again next summer just doesn't make since and then it is that much longer away from us having baby #4. Jason and I can never discuss anything either without one of us getting mad at the other. I feel very strongly that we should keep trying and whatever happens is what is meant to be. At the same time though I want Jason to want to have this 4th baby and be excited about it and not be worried about some stupid elk hunt. He has the rest of his life to do this stuff. I feel like he is so selfish sometimes and it drives me crazy! I am just going to have to sit down and talk about this with him tonight so I can stop stressing over it!

Trying Again

Jason and I decided to start 'trying' back in June for baby #4. We didn't do the usual tracking and every other thing though. We thought we would just not prevent anything and see what happens. I was kind of keeping my fingers crossed that it wouldn't happen this month. If I got pregnant in June I would be due in March and I really didn't want to have Lucas and Baby #4 right on top of each other. I like for their birthdays to be somewhat spread out so we can really focus on each birthday! Well, we didn't get pregnant because I started on July 14th while we were on vacation. The month of July we decided to get a little more serious about trying. I personally was thinking to have a baby in May, but April really is more ideal because May is always so busy. We still didn't do every other day but we tried more than the month before. I ended up being almost 3 weeks late and I took a ton of pregnancy tests which all turned out negative. I finally started on September 3rd! Now with this whole thing getting messed up if I get pregnant in the month of September I will be due about mid June. I am not liking the fact of having a newborn at the start of summer, but now I am getting anxious so I am not going to be picky. We started trying on september 12th and tried every other day until the 28th. I took a test on October 5th and it was negative! I was really disappointed to see this on saturday night. I am going to take another test on this Friday and I am praying that it is positive. I just found out that my brother is getting married on July 5th and I would love to not be huge and pregnant at his wedding! I keep praying that whatever god's plan is will be the best for our family and I am trying to have faith in that. It is so hard when I am such a planner. I really do not like the whole 'trying' thing. It really takes the fun out of it. I will say that it has made me totally ready and sure to be pregnant again! I am actually looking forward to it! I have to really try and cherish this pregnancy because it could be my last. I would love to have 5 kids, but right now Jason is only on board for 4. I know if we have a girl this time their will be no convincing Jason for a fifth one. I do think if I have a boy again that Jason will eventually give in to a fifth one. I would just like to know that if I want a fifth baby that it will happen. I think I will die if I know that my fourth one would be my last. As badly as I have always wanted a girl I am loving my boys so much and I have so much fun with them! I really don't know what I would do with a girl! I just trust that whatever God gives us is what will be best for us! Either way we just hope for a safe and healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby!