D and C

This morning Jason and I left our house at 6:00 a.m. to get to the hospital in plenty of time. Everything went really smoothly for us which made the whole ordeal a little easier than I thought. We checked in and then we were taken right to our room which was in triage. It brought back a lot of memories of when we had Christian. Which was good and bad. Good because that was such a happy wonderful time for us and bad because I never imagined going to The Women's Hospital and checking in and not coming home with our baby. My nurse was wonderful and her name was Jessica. I cried some when I had to explain what had happened and she was very sympathetic. After the paperwork was finished and they took my blood and started an IV all we had to do was wait. They took me back to the operating room just as scheduled at 8:30 a.m. I got a little choked up when I was walking down the hall with the nurse by myself and when I went into the surgery room. The room was really cold and bright and lots of metal. I laid down on the table and they had me lay my arms out to my sides and I felt like I was about to be crucified being in that position. It wasn't a very comforting thought and the whole thing made me pretty nervous. The anestegeolgist was Dr. Riddle and he was so nice. he put some medicine in my IV pretty much as soon as I laid down and it made me dizzy pretty quickly. I remember them explaining to me about putting the mask on and taking deep breaths of oxygen, but I don't actually remember them putting the mask on me. I thought I would be awake for a lot more of the prepping. I am so glad I wasn't. The stress of it all was starting to get to me and I could feel myself wanting to panic and then I don't remember anything, except waking up back in the triage room. Be fore I came totally through I said something but I have no idea what I said. The nurse told me she couldn't understand anything more than a mumble as I was waking up. I swear I said something stupid and I couldn't quit worrying about it, so I kept asking her. She kept laughing at me for it. Once I began to feel more awake I started to cry again. I asked her some questions about the whole thing. I wanted to make sure that everything went okay and I wondered if there was something wrong with my uterus from when I delivered Christian, since that was such a rough delivery. She then shared with me that recently she had been 8 weeks along and miscarried and that now she was 10 weeks pregnant. She also has a son that turned 2 in December. She told me that I was perfectly fine and that I would be able to have another one with no problem and that this stuff can just happen. That nothing was wrong with me. Hearing her story and her telling me that gave me a lot of hope for the future. I am still very sad and shocked by everything, but I am feeling so much better knowing that everything went okay and that it is over with. They have a service twice a year at a cemetery where they burry the babies that died less than 20 weeks gestation. We decided to have our baby buried there. They are going to send more information in the mail about everything. It is free of charge and we don't have to attend the service if we don't want. It is just comforting knowing that it will be buried and not just tossed away. They also gave us a memory stone to keep as a remembrance token which is nice also. They really go the extra step at The women's Hospital and all the little things really can help make the whole process easier. I had to wait an hour before I could get dressed and leave. Once the hour was up I felt fine and was ready to get dressed and head home to see Christian. We left the Hospital at 10:00 a.m. and I couldn't believe how good physically I felt. Even emotionally I felt a little better. I forgot to mention earlier that my Grandma Folz came and sat with us also before the surgery. She waited in the lobby during it and was there waiting for us when we were leaving. I didn't want a lot of people there because I just thought it would make things harder and I don't deal well with this kind of thing. I am better off grieving alone. I feel more comfortable that way. I will say it was nice to have my grandma there. It was also nice for Jason to not have to sit and wait alone. We stopped and got lunch at Maxine's on the way home. I couldn't wait to get home and see Christian. When we got home Christian was all smiles and was having so much fun playing with his Aunt Martha. After I ate my lunch I started feeling pretty tired and decided to lay on the couch and watch one of my all time favorite shows 90210. Jason laid Christian down for a nap and then he headed over to my parents house to put some fuel stabilizer in the boat. This should have been done months ago, but oh well. Martha stayed and hung out with me and then my sister Becky came by with some flowers. She brought my nieces Emma and Anne. It was really good to see them. Emma was so funny because when she saw me she got teary eyed and then she told me that she cried the whole way down hear because her mom had on a sad song that made her think about life. I started cracking up at her. She is so sensitive, which is so sweet. I put on a happy face a changed the subject so we could talk about something good while they were here. Jason got home shortly after they came, so they all decided to head out so I could rest while Christian is napping. I am ready to get things back on track and start trying again. Hopefully this will go quickly and hopefully my periods won't be as screwed p as they were before. I go back to see Dr. Leinenbach in 2 weeks for a follow up visit. I might try and talk to her about regulating my periods or something. It is such a relief to have it all over with and know that it all went okay.

Spotting

There has been a change in plans. I started spotting and cramping a little bit today and with it being Friday I was afraid I may not make it through the weekend. The doctor thought it would be best to not try and pass this on my own being that I was 9 weeks along. I called the doctor and explained to her what was going on and asked her what my options were. She recommended that we set something up for first thing in the morning so we would not run the risk of it being an emergency room situation. I am now scheduled to go in at 6:30 to the Women's Hospital and they will do the D and C at 8:30. I feel better about this rather than trying to wait it out until Thursday. I was afraid something would happen while I was at work and I don't exactly have a job that I can just up and leave at anytime. This way everything is planned and I don't have to be back at work until Tuesday evening, so I will have a couple of days to rest up. I originally set it up fro Thursday thinking that I had plenty of time and then I would be able to be off longer. At that point I hadn't been cramping or spotting, so the doctor thought I would be good to go. I think I am just ready to get everything over with and try and move on the best I can.

Bad News

Today I went for my doctors appointment to hear the heartbeat and unfortunately my worst fears were right. Dr. Leinenbach put the monitor on my stomach and couldn't find a heartbeat. I started to panic and new something wasn't right. She got her hand held ultrasound out and couldn't pick up the baby's movement. Then I was really worried and when I asked the Doctor she said she was a little worried also. She had me see the the ultrasound technician and she confirmed everything. When she measured the baby the baby measured 9 weeks and had no heartbeat. Jason was with me and we both started crying. We also brought Christian with us because we thought he would like to hear the heartbeat. He was confused on what was going on and I think we worried him a little bit. We went and talked to Dr. Leinenbach again and she recommended that I get a D and C. I set it up for next Thursday. She said as soon as I have one regular period then we could start trying again. I think we are going to do that. Hopefully it won't take as long to get pregnant this time around. I am just in such shock over everything.

11 Weeks

I am 11 weeks today and I weighed in at 133. I have been feeling so much better. I still have a few moments of nausea every once in while. A few strong smells will bother me sometimes and if I don't eat when first get hungry then I will start to dry heave a little. All in all I feel much better! We go to the doctor on Thursday to hear the heart beat. I am really excited and nervous for this appointment. I am so afraid that I am going to get there and there won't be a heartbeat. I will be so relieved once it is all over and we hopefully have a good report. I keep feeling little flutterings here and there. I know they say it is too early to feel any movement from the baby yet, but sometimes I wonder if it could be the baby. I think we are going to have a small get together whenever we find out what we are having to reveal the sex of the baby to everyone. I am so excited to find out what we are having. I can't help but think it is going to be boy, because I feel so much like I did when I was pregnant with Christian. My mom never felt sick with any of her girls and she felt just a little sick with both of her boys. It would be nice to have another boy so Christian could have a brother close to him in age and also because Alisann is having a boy. I don't think I am ever going to be able to make it all the way to March. I don't know how my sister becky does it. She is going to have her fifth chid and the only one they found out with was their last one. We are all dying to find out what she is having now. We only have another month till she delivers!

10 Weeks

I weighed in this week at 130. I have been feeling a lot better this week as far as the nausea goes. It seems like if I eat too much too fast my stomach will start to hurt and I get really bloated easily. My boobs are still hurting and I have been getting pretty tired around 8 or 9 at night. I find myself wanting it too be bed time earlier and earlier. I will say I am a little worried that I'm not feeling as sick as I was. With Christian I felt sick up until I was 14 weeks and then I had to eat as soon as I woke up in the mornings or I would actually throw up (it happened a couple of times). I can't help but be constantly worried that something is going to go wrong. I will be so glad after I go to the doctor next week and I hopefully get a good report. I don't know why I am so worried this time. Maybe it's because we tried for so long that it still doesn't seem real.

Nursery Ideas

I have been trying to think of some ideas for a nursery lately. I haven't talked any of this over with Jason yet so these are just some random thoughts. If we have a boy I like either a Train, fire truck, or airplane theme. We did a sail boat theme for Christian's room and I loved how it turned out. I have no idea what to do for a girl room. I am not in to all the girly colors and themes at all. I am actually thinking of doing something with polka dots and using like an aqua blue and lime green color scheme. The hard thing will be to find bedding I like to go with it. I definitely am going to have Jason put chair rail up in the nursery. We did this in Christian's room and I love the way it looks. I also want to do something cool with the paint on the walls. We did a linen look on the bottom of Christian's room and and then did three horizontal stripes around the top of Christian's room. It turned out awesome! I guess I need to start researching lots of different ideas for either a boy or a girl.

9 Weeks (2 Months)

I am 9 weeks today and I weighed in at 129. My weights keeps going up and down, kind of like my appetite. I still am feeling pretty nauseated in the evenings and my boobs are still pretty sore. I have been feeling really bloated lately also. I think as long as I stay away from eating out and fast food I will be okay. All the sodium in the food that you eat when eating out really makes me pack on the pounds. I can't wait to get out of this first trimester. I feel like it is taking forever. It doesn't help that it is winter and freezing outside. The days seem to just drag on and on. I do feel almost exactly the same as I did when I was pregnant with Christian. Jason keeps saying he can't wait till I get a belly on me. I am looking forward to feeling the baby move. I think that is my favorite part of being pregnant. I have been trying to think of ideas for a nursery for either a girl or a boy. I am having a hard time finding any bedding I like for either one. Normally I love the bedding on Pottery Barn Kids, but lately I haven't seen anything I like. Hopefully they come out with some new styles for spring.