What I Am Looking Forward Too

I am in that stage of pregnancy that I can't help, but wish away the time. There are so many things that I am looking forward to on not being pregnant. Nine months is a long time and I think this has worn on me even more so since I was pregnant for a couple months last year and then I wasn't for a couple of months, but I was doing everything good and right so I could get pregnant again and now it has been almost nine months since I haven't been pregnant. I feel like all of that is a lot of pregnancy. Don't get me wrong it is all worth it and I will do it all again in probably a year to year and a half, but I am ready to be done for now. I feel like once I deliver Jaxson I will feel like I have freedom again. I feel kind of guilty wish these last days away, but lets face it it hasn't been easy. None of my pregnancies have, but it is all worth it. I am looking forward to being able to sit on the couch or lay in bed and be able to breath normally. I have had the hardest time breathing. I feel like there is something sitting on my lungs and it is so hard to take a deep breath. I will be so glad when I can eat anything I want, as much as I want, and be able to lay down right afterwards and not end up with heart burn. I have tried so many things and nothing seems to do the trick this time. I have to take Zantac 150 twice a day and tums on a regular basis or the Heart Burn is out of control. I am really looking forward to that! I am looking forward to being able to have a glass/bottle of wine with Jamie and a martini with Alisann. I want the option to be able to order a chocolate martini with my meal when we go out. I am normally not a beer drinker, but lately a beer has sounded really good. I hate just not having the option of what I want to drink. I am looking forward to having a margarita night soon. I love having people over and playing games. we always have so many laughs and such a fun time and it's just not the same without the margaritas. I am looking forward to wearing normal cute shirts and being able to zip and button my pants. I really was so disappointed in the selection of maternity clothes that all the stores had and I absolutely hate Motherhood Maternity's clothes. When I was pregnant with Christian Old Navy had a decent selection of thing to wear in there maternity section, but this time it was horrible. I had to order almost everything online from GAP or A Pea In The Pod. I am ready to shop for clothes that are cute. I love some of the plaid shirts out, but plaid on a pregnant person os not attractive. I am not really a fan of any prints on pregnant people, especially myself. I feel like it is just so unflattering. I already am obvious enough and I feel like prints just scream it even louder. I just like having more options for clothes. I have about 2 1/2 months until Alisann, John and I's semi-annual shopping trip and I can't wait. This will be a scary trip that is for sure. Alisann wasn't able to buy much for a spring/summer wardrobe last year because she was pregnant and I didn't get much because we were trying to get pregnant and didn't know how soon it would happen or how big I would get. Neither one of us have any clothes for spring and summer, so it will be a big trip. Plus we are taking a big family vacation this summer to Florida and I will need lots of fun clothes and swim suites for that. I am also looking forward to not having such a huge hard ball for a stomach! It is so hard to maneuver around like this. I have a hard time getting out of bed, getting up off the couch or the floor, bending over to pick something up, putting on my clothes and shoes and most importantly shaving. I can not wait to be able to properly shave everything again. It is quite comical the positions I have to get myself into in order to be able to attempt to shave. I am looking forward to not having to go to the bathroom constantly. It is such a nuisance. I swear I spend more time peeing than I do anything. I am looking forward to going to the tanning bed. When I was younger I used to go all the time and then after I had Christian I cut back a ton. I started worrying more about skin cancer and wrinkles the older I have gotten. It is so nice and feels so good to go during the winter months and that is what I am looking forward to. I probably won't go more than once a week or once every two weeks, but man I can not wait to go. I am also looking forward to spring time. I am not quite ready for winter to be over with and I am kind of glad that we will have a couple of cold nasty months to just be at home with our little family of four, but I am also looking ahead to being able to sit outside, go to the park, flowers blooming and just everything that goes with Spring. I am looking forward to wearing my rings again! I miss them already. I am looking forward to all of us eating healthier and more balanced meals. I am looking forward to my gums not bleeding every time I floss and brush them. I am looking forward to not being in pain constantly. I swear there is never not something hurting me. It is different things at different times, but there is always something causing me pain right now. I am looking forward to having sushi again. I love sushi and I can't wait to get me some! I would like to say I am looking forward to exercising, but lets face it I am sure that will not be happening anytime soon. I really don't enjoy it and never have. About the only exercising I like to do is walk and it has to be with somebody else so we can talk. Who knows though I might surprise myself and start running when it gets nice out or at least get into a routine again of walking. I'm sure I will have to do something to loose all this baby weight. I would love to be 125 - 130 by summer. It is doubtful I am sure. I am looking forward to holding and rocking my sweet baby. I am looking forward to seeing Christian play and interact with Jax. I am looking forward to getting a routine down, so I can survive two kids and work. I am really looking forward to being a Mommy of two little boys. I am hoping that I will be able to relax and enjoy all this time with both of them because it goes by so fast!

37 Week Doctor's Appointment

Today I had my 37 week doctor's appointment. I weighed in at 166 lbs. I am hoping this is because I had to go late in the afternoon, but with me retaining fluids I could very well just be that fat. I am getting to the point of not caring anymore. I will just have to lose it afterwards. I have no energy to exercise and I am too miserable to watch what I eat or to even eat healthy. I eat what is easy and available. My doctor isn't worried in the least bit with my weight gain. I have only gained 33 lbs. so far and they want me to gain around 35, so I am still good with them. The nurse asked if I was ready to have this baby and I joked and said 'oh, yes you think Dr. Leinenbach would want to go ahead and do it tonight?' She laughed and said maybe she is on call. I asked Dr. Leinenbach the same thing (of course just joking around with her) and she said 'well, 37 weeks is a little early to induce, but lets see how you have progressed.' I told her about what I thought was my mucus plug and she said that sounded right and that was a good sign of me progressing. When she checked me she had the same reaction as before which was a little shocked at first and then changed it to that is good! She said that I am now 2-3 cm dilated and 70% effaced. I about died when she told me. When I was pregnant with Christian I was only 1 1/2 cm dilated and 80% effaced at 39 weeks and my water broke when I was this and then I quickly dilated to 3 cm once my water broke. She did say that this was good and not to worry that I still could make it to the 12th. She said that since I am progressing so well on my own that if I do make it to the 12th she feels very confident that everything will go very smoothly and obviously if I go before then she feels that things will be much better than last time. Jason and I decided last week to not have sex until after I have Jax just incase that would trigger something early. I am also surprised that i made so much progress, because of how easy I have been trying to take it. I know the more active you are the quicker you will progress. When I told Jason how far I am he was shocked and a little nervous. Jamie had a dream last night that I was 6 cm dilated when I went in, so when I called to tell her that I was close she about died. She was shocked with the progress also. Her gut feeling is telling her that I will go in the next couple of days. Alisann said her gut feeling is that I will get induced on the 12th. My gut feeling is sometime mid next week. I just don't see me making it all the way to the 12th, especially with how busy I am next week at work and everything else. Dr. Leinenbach did tell me that she thought Jason would have time to get home from Indy if I would go when he is gone. January 6th would really be bad timing for Jason and I both, but it would be kind of neat since that is the day that Jason proposed to me on. After my appointment tonight we went and ate at Fazolis before running errands. When Jason walked to the back to get a booth he sat down in the exact same one we sat in the night I started labor with Christian. When I sat down I asked him if it was a little strange that we were sitting in the same booth and at the same restaurant as the night I delivered Christian and what is weirder is that we really never eat at Fazolis, maybe only once a year and Jason wasn't even thinking about it when he chose our booth. My mom, Jamie, and Alisann are all on call since at any minute something could happen. After all I am a quarter of the way through labor now. Jessica was also shocked with my progress and she found out the she is getting induced on the 10th if she doesn't go before. She doesn't think that either of us will make it that far though. Maybe we they could put us in adjoining rooms, so Jon can play double duty until Jason can be there. That would be funny! I guess all I can do is walk around like a time bomb waiting to go off. It could be any day now!

37 Weeks

I am 37 weeks pregnant today! I am now officially full term. This is a huge relief for me. Now I know that Jaxson can come at anytime and he will be fine. I weighed in today at 165 lbs. I hope I don't weigh too much more than that when I go to the doctor this after noon. I have some, kind of big news to report. Last night I went to the bathroom and when I wiped there was a bunch of clear snotty like stuff. Kind of gross, but I think it might have been my mucus plug. I always thought that there was supposed to be a lot of blood or at least some with it, but everything I read last night said that it could happen either way. I think if there is blood it means labor is closer than when it is clear. I will say also that the last couple of days I have been having somewhat bad period like cramps. When I was pregnant with Christian my contractions were mostly just my belly tightening up and then relaxing. I didn't really have pain until my water broke and then my normal period cramps were worse than what I experienced with Christian. I lucked out and got my epidural early and didn't have to suffer until after the delivery. I talked to Alisann and she said that with James she had contractions that felt like period cramps and then with Patrick she felt more tightening. Every pregnancy is different with each person so who knows. I didn't call my doctor because the cramping never got to the point of unbearable or even very regular and I could still make it until the 12th even though I lost my mucus plug. I am going to mention all this so she is aware and get her opinion on everything today when I go. I keep going back and forth with mixed emotions on everything. I think I am more excited now than nervous. I am still worried about being sleep deprived for awhile and trying to juggle work and two kids on very little sleep. Jason and I's families are both wonderful and I know that they will be more than willing to help out if/when we need it. I know when I had Christian there was one day that I was just exhausted and at a breaking point and my mom came over made me go lay down in my room and she took care of Christian, did my laundry and cleaned my house. Even though I felt awful that she was over doing all this I managed to fall asleep for a good two hours and when I woke up I felt like a new person. Sometimes a good nap can make all the difference. Christian is so excited for Jaxson to get here. He talks about him all the time and all the things he wants to do with him. He has even started walking around with his puppy dog and pretending that it is a baby. It is all really cute. I think he will be a good little helper. I had to take off my rings the other day. I started to get nervous when my hands and legs swelled up on Christmas night. I thought I better not take any chances and go ahead and take them off while I still can. I switched my wedding ring with a pearl ring that I have so I wouldn't feel so naked. I am still having horrible heart burn and Jaxson moves around a lot. The last couple of nights he has had the hiccups and it is right when I am trying to go to sleep, so he keeps me up way past the time I would like to be asleep. When he moves I can feel him everywhere, not just in one spot. I think he is pretty cramped in there. I am really anxious to see how much he weighs. I feel like I have a lot of signs of a big baby, but knowing my luck he will come out 6 lbs. and be a cute, little runt. I was only 6 lbs. 9 oz. when I was born. My mom had me at 37 weeks. She went to bed on May 9th and said a prayer saying that she thought it would be neat to have me on Mother's day. She of course didn't think it would happen. She woke up early on the morning of the 10th and went to the bathroom and her water broke. That was my experience with Christian as far as my water breaking goes. I got up went to the bathroom and then before I got up I felt a trickle that wasn't coming from where I pee. I always expected me to be walking around and then have this huge gush of water, so when it just trickled and then it would stop and start I was a little confused, but it definitely was my water breaking. Now every time I go to the bathroom I think this could be the time that my water breaks. I really do feel like a time bomb walking around. I am a little more dilated now at this time than I was with Christian and I went on my own 3 days before my due date. I know with having a second one you progress earlier and faster, so all that makes me a little nervous that I won't make it to 39 weeks. Part of me likes the idea of being induced and part of me kind of likes the surprise of having him on my own. My main concern is to do what is best for me and the baby health wise. I have to say if I don't have Jax before the 1st then I really need to wait until the 12th. I am going to ask my doctor if she has any idea or guess of when she thinks I will go. I don't think she thinks I will make it to the 12th and she won't let me go past 39 weeks, because of all the complications I had with Christian. I think she wouldn't mind Inducing me even sooner, but I really don't want to do that unless she wants to do it tonight or tomorrow morning. If Jax ends up coming on the 12th Jason will be out of town every year on his birthday and that is so sad to us both. I think there is a good chance of not making it that far. I am trying to mentally have a back up plan for my clients if that is the case. I know Kayce will take good care of them while I am gone. It's just stressful of having to think of moving everyone's appointments while I am in labor. Our cousin Jessica is 2cm and 70% effaced as of Tuesday and she is due 3 days before me. We have had a lot of fun keeping each other updated with each other's progress. We think it would be so neat to be at the hospital at the same time. Then we could just walk across the hall to visit each other! I am really anxious to see if I have progressed any today. Part of me thinks I have because of the cramping and mucus thing, but part of me thinks that I will have stayed the same since I have been able to take it easy for almost a week now. I will know one way or the other soon enough. Another little sign that I have had that labor could be close is that I have that nesting instinct back again. I am wanting to clean and organize everything in the house. I am trying to hold off until closer to time if I can. Some of my cravings that I have had this week are milk and chocolate chip cookies, and last night I woke up in the middle of the night craving cherry coke! I was tempted to run out and get one last night, but I figured I might wake up Christian or freak out Jason. I have also been craving Salmon this week. It is so weird how I haven't crave one specific thing it is different things at different times with Jax. I think I am starting to retain fluids more because I have been swelling some and I get hot really easily and sweat a lot. I need to drink more water during the day. I am so tired of maternity clothes that the other day I decided to box up the ones I wasn't going to need or wear anymore and only left the bare minimum in my closet. Just enough to get me through the next two weeks. I know I probably won't be back in my regular clothes anytime soon, but I will buy bigger sizes if I have to. I am done with maternity clothes. I can't wait until I can put my regular jeans on and zip them up and button them. Jason and I got out all the baby stuff and washed it the other day and set everything up. We still need to put the car seat in my car and I'm probably doing that today. If I find out I am progressed more I am going to have to kick it into gear and start clean this house. Part of me feels ready and part of me feels like a basket case. I keep telling myself that Jesus was born in a barn and he was just fine. One last little thing on my progress too is that I have had a few people tell me they think I have dropped. I am not good at telling this at all on me or anybody else so I don't know! I will just have to wait and see what happens. Overall I am excited and more and more ready!

All Packed

I finally have everything all packed for Jax and I. My gowns and robe came in yesterday and I got some gowns for Jax to wear in the hospital. I wanted us to find matching sets like I did with Christian, but I just couldn't find anything that was simple and plain. I hate all the crazy prints and it doesn't photograph well at all, so I just wanted a simple gown that was pretty much a solid color. I love the gowns from Amiee gowns and the robe to match is nice also. I ordered three from there, one is black, one blue, and one is burgundy. I may not need all three, but it is better to have them and not need them then to need them and not have them. All of my toiletries and make-up is packed except my flat iron and my powder foundation. I packed a small bag for by my bed with hand lotion, mints, hand sanitizer, room spray, lip gloss and ponytail holders. I am recharging the batteries in my camera and video camera so those will be ready. I went ahead and gave Jason his present for being a new dad on Christmas. I got him a watch that he had been wanting. He thought it was silly to get him something for our second child. I think he really just couldn't wait a couple of more weeks even though he had no clue what I got him. He was super excited and surprised when he opened it. I do still need to get Jason packed and I need to lay out outfits for Christian when he comes to the hospital and when we go home from the hospital. I am getting ll of our laundry caught up today so I will lay out those outfits today. Part of me can see me making it to the 12th and part of me feels like it could happen at anytime. If I go with my gut instinct i would say that I will go into labor on my own either the night of the 9th or the morning of the 10th. This really kind of sucks because I am really busy at work the evening of the 10th and it will suck to have to call and reschedule everyone. I will say it does feel good to have all mine and Jax's stuff packed and ready to go!

Merry Christmas

I had a great Christmas this year! We all did actually. I was a lot more tired than I would have liked, but it is all worth it. We had lots of places to go to, but it was nice to get to see both of our families. Jaxson got pretty spoiled this year and he isn't even here yet. He got the cutest pair of camo boots and a sleeper from his Grandma and Grandpa Pickerill. He got a really cute wooden airplane to sit on his shelf in his room from his Aunt Jamie. I can not believe how close the colors match everything. Jaxson also got his going home outfit from his Grandma and Grandpa Shetler and his Uncle Johnny got him a cute little sleeper and bear blankie. I was excited to wear my last Holiday Maternity shirt. I had fun getting these and wearing them. I kind of wish I would have thought to get one for New Year's, but I didn't see any that caught my eye. I also got what I am going to wear to the hospital and home from there from Jason and my Parents. I wanted warm up outfits to wear home and on the way there. I am not worried about being trendy I am going for comfort. I really like the ones I got and I can't wait to wear them. I also got new tennis shoes from Jason to go with everything. I needed new tennis shoe so bad! I think Jaxson and I are set to come home from the hospital now and we got spoiled with comfy clothes to wear afterwards too! i almost forgot to mention the outfit I got from LeeAnn and Kenny. I was worried that it would be too small and that I might have to exchage it for a medium, but when I got home and tried it on the pants fit great and of course the shirt was tight considering my big belly, but the small will work great and the outfits is so comfortable. I love that the pants have pockets in them. I think it might be one of my favorite lounge outfits that I have now! This Christmas was awesome, but next year will be even better!

36 Week Doctor's Appointment

I had my 36 week doctor appointment today! I weighed in at 161 lbs which is good. I didn't gain anything in the last 2 weeks. That really helps make up for the big gain I had the last time. This puts my total weight gain at 28 lbs. It looks like I will probably gain around 30 lbs. all together which is pretty good for me. Dr. Leinenbach did my group B strep test today and I will get the results back next week at my next appointment. I didn't have this when I was pregnant with Christian, but every pregnancy is different, so I could have it this time. My Sister Alisann had it with both of her pregnancies. Since Dr. Leinenbach was checking me today I asked her about some of the swelling I had down low. I never had this with Christian, but I read that you can get varicose veins down there from all of the pressure. The last couple of months I have been really swollen down there and figured that that was all that it was, but figured I should mention it to her just so she could check it out while she was already down there. She said that it was varicose veins and that they would go away after delivery. I was a little worried that I might have to have surgery or something, but she said that she has never had a patient who they didn't go away with. I always picture varicose veins more on your legs, but I guess you can get them anywhere you have veins. She didn't measure my stomach today or listen to the heartbeat since I had just had all of that done with my ultrasound. When she checked me she first had a little bit of a shocked expression, but then quickly changed it to a normal one and said well this is really good. She said I was 1-2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. When I started freak out a little she said that I could still make it 3 more weeks and not too worry too much. She did say that with it being my second one I could go at anytime also so to be prepared. I asked her who was on call the next few weeks and she is on call this weekend and the Dr. Harpole is on call the next and she wasn't sure after that. She told me that not to worry too much about who was on call because she wanted to be there to deliver me as long as she didn't have a big family commitment. She told me to tell whoever is on call to call her and to tell them that she is a friend of the family and that she wants to be able to be there to deliver me if at all possible. I though this was so nice. I told her that I didn't want to put her out at all and that I would be fine if she couldn't deliver me, but that I would love for her to be the one to do it. She said she wants to be there if at all possible so it was fine with her. She even said if I go on New Year's eve that she would be there. Hearing all this made me feel really good. There are four doctors all together with my doctor. I met all of them when I was pregnant with Christian, but they didn't have me do that this time. One thing that is kind of good also is that if for some reason Dr. Leinenbach can't be there I will feel just as comfortable with Dr. Brown. She is who Alisann and Becky go to and I have been in the room for 7 of her deliveries now and she is great and is used to my big family. I have nothing against the other two doctors I just don't know them as well and wouldn't feel quite as comfortable. Jason has decided to drive separately to Indy when he has to go just incase something happens while he is away. I go back next Thursday for another check and then I might go one more time after that and then it will be time to induce if I haven't gone on my own yet. One other thing she said is that I shouldn't have to push much. I told her I was tired and didn't know if I could push at all and she laughed and said that I needed to a little, but nothing like last time and that I shouldn't tear like last time either. She said that this should be a much easier delivery for me, especially since she is taking me at 39 weeks instead of me going to 40. She would never let me go past that. It really makes thing harder on the baby and the mom to go past your due date. That was a relief to know the first time I was pregnant, now it is a relief to know that she won't let me go past 39 weeks. Now I just have to wait and finish getting things ready around here. I feel like a ticking time bomb now knowing that it could happen at any minute!

36 Week Ultra Sound

Today I had my 36 week ultrasound to make sure that everything is developed properly and is still on track. I love that they do this at my doctors office. It really helps give everyone peace of mind to know that things are ready to go and that everything looks as it should. It's also fun to get to see Jax one more time before he comes into the world. Christian really had fun with this. They did the 4D ultrasound and Christian thought that was really cool. They weren't able to get great pictures because he is so cramped in there, but I thought they were able to get better shots than they did of Christian at this stage. Christian had his hand covering most of his face. Jax had his hand covering some but not as bad as Christian. Jax's heart rate was 138 bpm and they said he looks to be weighing in at 5lbs. 14oz. right now. She said if I went the full 40 weeks I could have close to an 8 lb. baby, but that most likely he would end up being about the same size as Christian somewhere in the lower 7 pound rage. I definitely don't want anything bigger than that. Alisann is wanting me to have a chunky baby for photography purposes. I know you can't really tell alot by these kind of pictures, but I swear he looks like Christian. It's funny because Christian keeps saying that Jaxson looks like him. One minute I picture Jaxson to look more like Jason did when he was a baby and then the next minute I picture him to look like Christian did. Christian looked just like my baby pictures and nothing like Jason's. I still think he looks a lot like I did as a kid and nothing like Jason did as a kid, but I think he looks a lot like Jason does now and makes a lot of the same expressions as Jason. I really think Christian looks just like my youngest brother. I am really anxious to see what Jax looks like. I think it would be neat for him to look more like Jason, but I have to say I just love Christian's bleach blond hair. Either way he will be a cutie and we will love him no matter what. She said all my fluids looked good and so did the placenta. Everything is going good and we are right on schedule!

36 Weeks

I am 36 weeks pregnant today! I will be considered full term next week! I weighed in this morning at 161 lbs. This is good, now if only the doctor's scale would match that. I go in today at 9:40 for my ultra sound and then I see my Doctor at 10:15. This is when she will check me. I have been feeling a lot of sharp pains down low and I can't really tell if it is Jax moving or if it is braxton hicks or the start of something more real. On Tuesday night I had this sharp pain right around my bladder and it lasted for quite awhile and the pain was so bad it litterlly made double over and have to hold on to something. I never had anything like this when I was pregnant with Christian. I have never had a kidney stone but I have had lots of really bad bladder infections and it felt like what I imagine a kidney stone to feel like. I had a dream the other night that I went into labor now and Jax came really fast. I had nothing prepared and nothing with me at the hospital and I didn't even know what day it was. When it hit me that I had my baby and nothing went even close to the way I envisioned it I freaked out. I think I am going to bring my camera and video camera with me in my car today. You never know what they might tell me at the doctor and to me the most important thing to have would be those things. I can do without my clothes and toiletries if I had too. I think I had this dream and am a little on edge because I was thinking about one of my blog friends, who actually happens to go to my same doctor and is best friends with my sister, and she ended up giving birth in the doctor's office and didn't have her cameras with her either. It is a great story! Plus a lot of people keep telling me that they think I am going to go early and they say your second one goes faster than your your first. All this info makes me a little nervous that I won't make it until the 12th. I really need to make it that far, any sooner is going to totally freak me out. I have to get through my clients at work or I will worry and stress about it all. I only have 6 days left that I am working and that id a big relief. It is getting harder and harder to be on my feet and keep up with my tight schedule. I finally got my Hacienda fix last weekend and it was so good. I had been craving that forever. I have been craving chocolate cookies a lot also. I stopped at Great Harvest Bread the other day and got some and they are so good! I am still wearing my regular jeans with my bella band. I wear my maternity pants some of the time but they just don't fit as good and they make me look huge. I hate maternity pants. I of course am wearing all maternity tops unless I have some regular shirts that are longer. My belly is huge! I am still able to wear all my rings which I love! I will probably take them off after Christmas though just to be on the safe side. I have pearl ring that I got for Christmas a few years back that is sized for my middle finger, so I might wear that instead. I am glad that I haven't swelled near as much as I did with Christian. My hands and feet get a little puffy when I am hot or working really hard, but other than that I am good!My goal this week is to have everything packed, all of our Christmas decorations put away, and the rest of our baby stuff gotten out and set up. It would be great if I could have all this done by Wednesday. Christian is getting really excited to meet his new brother. He talks about it all the time and is always trying to give Jax hugs. He always says how he wants to play with him and watch movies with him. He also tells me that after I have Jaxson then he can wrestle with me. He has been wanting us to wrestle forever and I haven't been able to since I have been pregnant. I hope he gives me a couple of weeks to recover first. Everyday I go back and forth between excitement and nervousness. I am not worried too much about the labor and delivery. I know it won't go exactly as I plan or like last time, but I do know I will get through it all and it is only temporary pain and discomfort. It's the recovery and the rest of my life that I am worried about. I know people have two kids all the time, but I am just a little worried about juggling everything and getting a schedule down. I also think about having to leave Christian while I am in the hospital and it makes me really sad. I know I will miss him so much. I will have to know at all times where he is and what he is doing. I also wonder how well he will deal with me being away from him for that long. He is used to having me everyday almost all day long with the exception of about 10 hours in a week. I am always here to tuck him in bed at night and I am always here in the mornings and when he gets up from his naps. Jaxson still moves like crazy. He is so strong! I do think he is running out of room in there. I can feel him everywhere all at once, so I know it is getting tight. Luckily we both only have 3 more weeks of this and then he will have more room and I will have more mobility. It is so hard to shave properly and I hate that. It is driving me crazy. It is hard to bend over or get up from sitting down. I feel so handicapped sometimes. I have a feeling I will be doing a lot of sitting in the same spot at Christmas. Once I get in position I don't plan on moving for awhile. I am so excited for Christmas and I can't wait to see Christian's face. I am looking forward to seeing all of our family also. I can't believe we are so close now. These weeks keep flying by. Part of me feels like I have been pregnant forever and part of me feels like it has gone by kind of fast. I can't wait to have a glass of wine or drink a beer. I really want to have a margarita and game night sometime soon. The crazy thing is that I was looking at our schedule the next couple of months and we already have something going on every weekend after Jax is born until March. I am tentatively planning his Baptism for the 20th of February. That works good for us and the Godparents. I just need to clear it with our priest. If that doesn't work we will have to do March 6th, but Jason may be gone then. Otherwise we will have to wait until after lent and that would end up being May sometime and we have something almost every week end in May also. I know I am crazy to even be thinking about his Baptism before he is even born, but it is hard to work it into everyones busy schedules. I really hate that my sister Martha will be studying abroad through all of this. She leaves January 6th and won't be back until May. I am hoping this week goes by fast, but not too fast where I can't get everything finished.

Anxiously Waiting

I have a little over three weeks until I am induced and I can't help but have tons of mixed emotions on everything. I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore and I can't wait for that. There are a few things I will miss, such as getting to have Jax all to myself and feeling him move. Although I must say he kicks so hard I may not miss that as much. It is a wonderful feeling being pregnant, but I have to say I am not one of those women who just loves to be pregnant. All of my pregnancies have been difficult in there own way. I am ready to get back to feeling normal and being able to find a comfortable position when I sleep or do anything for that matter. I am so tired of all the heartburn this time also. I am so thankful that I have not swelled very much at all so far. I am still wearing all my rings which is great. I think I might end up having to take them off in the next week or two. At different times I can feel my hands and feet getting a little puffy. I have noticed that my nose is getting a little bigger also, but not quite as bad as last time. I finally got everything I need for the hospital all ordered. Now I am just waiting for it all to come in. I ordered some new make-up from Sephora and I ordered lots of bath and shower products from Lush. The shower stuff is for the hospital and the bath stuff is for when I get home and am recovering. When I had Christian I had a certain scent that I liked and used and I only used when I was in the hospital and when we first got home. Now I when I smell that smell it reminds me of Christian. I wanted to do this same thing with Jax. I finally found some gowns to wear while I am in the hospital. I have had the hardest time finding something that I liked. Everything I liked was a shirt and pants set and I wanted more of a gown or long shirt. My cousin who just had her baby on Friday told me she ordered hers from Amiee gowns on line. I ordered three of them and got a robe to match. I am really relived to have this taken care of. I am going to go wear a warm up outfit home from the hospital. My parents were asking for ideas of things to get me for Christmas and I suggested this to them, so I will either get his for Christmas from them or I will run out and pick it up after Christmas. I am wanting to get out and get some gowns and hats from GAP and have them embroidered with Jax's name or monogram. I was hoping to find gowns that had the onesies to match like I did with Christian, but I just didn't like any of the ones I saw. I am really excited to see what my Grandma makes for Jax to wear home. My grandma has hand knit or crocheted a sweater, hat, booties, and a blanket for all of her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. I love that she does this and it is something that I will always treasure. My mom is picking out the outfit for Jax to wear under his sweater on the way home. I love that Jax will be wearing something from his Grandma and Great Grandma. I am really excited for Christmas, but I am also ready for it to be over with. I am ready to put the decorations away and finish getting out the baby stuff. We don't have much to get out, but I will just feel better when it is all finished. The nursery is completely finished which is nice. I just need to set up the pack-n-play downstairs. I need to put the travel swing upstairs and the regular swing downstairs. I need to get out the car seat and stroller and wash all of that stuff. I also need to get out all of Jax's toys and wash them and get those organized for him. I also would like to go through one more time and clean out closets and drawers and make sure everything in the house is all organized. I don't want to have to worry about anything around the house after Jax gets here. I would love to have my photobooks all caught up, but I am not even going to stress over that. If I feel motivated to do them I will if not I will get them done sometime in the next 5 years maybe. The week before I have Jax I am going to spend deep cleaning this house. Jason and I still need to figure out what movies we should get to bring to the hospital to watch while we are waiting or in the evenings after visiting hours. I am going to be so sad to be away from Christian for that long. I am so glad that he will be staying at home with Travis and not at someone else's house. That will give me peace of mind. If my recovery is easier than last time Jason may even be able to stay with Christian at home and come back first thing in the morning since I will be leaving Jax in the nursery at night. I go to the doctor on Thursday to get checked and have my final ultra sound. I am anxious to see what they say at both. I feel like I have lots to do to keep me busy for the next few weeks.

Maternity Pictures

35 Weeks

I am 35 weeks pregnant today! I weighed in this morning at 161. It looks like I am going to be slightly over what I wanted to be on my total weight gain. The chocolate frosted donuts I am eating right now are not helping things either! Now that my maternity pictures are over with I really don't care too much. I am eating exactly what I want when I want it, since there are very few things that bring me comfort or make me feel a little better. Good food is one of them! I got a mani and pedi on Saturday and that was great! It was much needed. I swear I have no time for myself anymore and it will only get worse in another month. Alisann posted my Maternity session up on her website and I love the pictures! I am hoping to get the CD today so I can do my Christmas cards. I ordered a ton of pictures and I have no idea where I am going to put them all in my house. The topless pose turned out better than I expected it too, but I have to sat I am a little embarrassed to look at it. Jason loves it though! Hopefully I will get the CD today so I can post them up on here. I am really glad that I waited an extra month to do the pictures. I think if I would have done it any sooner I would have looked more fat than pregnant. Alisann is so good at posing people. I think I actually look a lot smaller than I am and I was worried about the camera adding ten pounds. Believe me I am not bragging on myself. It is all my sister and her amazing talent. I have officially gotten everything washed and put away in Jaxson's room. So that is totally done and a big relief! The only thing I have left is to get the rest of the baby stuff set up around the house and get my house all deep cleaned. I am waiting until after Christmas before doing any of that though. I have no place to put anything with all of our Christmas stuff every where. The day after Christmas I am taking down all the decoration and putting them away and then the next day I will put all the baby stuff up. My goal is to have everything finished and ready to go except for deep cleaning my house by the 28th. I have started packing some of my bags for the hospital, but I am still waiting on some Lush products and my sephora order to all come in. I also have yet to find what I am going to wear while I am in the hospital. I want a gown and not a pants set and I can not find any that I like anywhere. I am going to get online and try and order something today hopefully. I also need a new robe and some slippers. Then I need to also get a going home outfit. I will probably wait until after Christmas to get this. Jason and I are hopefully going to get all our Christmas shopping finished today and I am hoping to get everything wrapped sometime this weekend. I can't believe that Christmas is next week already. I know this next week is going to go by fast. We have so much going on and so much to do and I am super busy at work to top it all off! I was just thinking the other day about how much more difficult this pregnancy has been from Christian's. I think some of it is having a three year old that takes a lot out of me and some of it has been the timing. I have to say I am pretty miserable. I am not someone that likes to complain. I usually try to suck it up when I am sick and move on. It drives Jason and I both crazy when someone is always complaining about not feeling good or something that is always wrong with them. When my clients come in and ask how I am doing I smile and say that I am doing fine, when really I want to rattle off about a million things that are wrong, but who really wants to hear about that. I swear I feel like I have been pregnant FOREVER. Since I am not going around complaining to everyone in sight I am going to vent on here and say everything that is bothering me. When I was pregnant with Christian I would get heartburn if I ate pizza or something with a red sauce. The only time I would get it is at night also. I would take tums and be fine. This time I have heartburn from the moment I wale up until I go to bed and it is worst throughout the night. I have to take Zantac 150 twice a day (maximum dosage) Just to make it bearable and it still doesn't get rid of it completely. It doesn't matter if i eat anything or not and it doesn't matter what I eat It is awful. I feel sorry for those that have to deal with this all the time. I am fortunate to only get it the last half of my pregnancy. With Christian I remember towards the end not being able to move around very well and it taking forever to get ready and that being a chore. I remember even making the comment to my dad how it must be so hard for overweight people to get ready everyday, because I literally would be worn out from taking a shower and putting lotion on and then I still had to get dressed. This time it is even worse. I had a hard time getting myself ready before I got pregnant because I would be dealing with Christian and trying to put make up on and get dressed while he is getting in to everything and driving me crazy. Now that I am hugely pregnant it is even worse. It takes everything out of me to get ready and then I have to fight with Christian on top of it all. I wish so bad that I had another bathroom just for myself. In our next house this will be a must, especially if I end up being the only girl in this family. When I was pregnant with Christian I remember waking up between 1 and 3 in the morning almost every night and not being able to sleep very well once I woke up. Now when I wake up I usually don't go back to sleep, because about the time that I could doze off again here comes Christian ready to start the day. My whole body in general just aches more than it did when I was pregnant with Christian. When I was pregnant with Christian I remember feeling him move a lot and I remember him getting the hiccups almost every night. I could also feel different parts of him really well, but when he would kick it might have been a little uncomfortable at times, but for the most part it was fine. This time it is actually very painful and I can feel Jaxson so much more than I did with Christian. Jaxson will kick me so hard sometimes that it literally takes my breath away. I swear sometimes I feel like I can just grab his leg or foot and hold it. Another thing that is really uncomfortable is not being able to breathe. I feel like I am only getting about half of the oxygen that I need and no matter how hard I try I can't get enough. It is even worse when I lay down, but even when I stand I am short of breath. The last couple of days I have had bad headaches to go along with all this stuff. I am also always feeling exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed. I feel like I need a nice long vacation. just need a break from everything. My patience is so thin and I feel bad all the time for not being more understanding of the age Christian is at right now. I expect way too much out of him and when he doesn't live up to my expectations I come down way to hard on him. I feel so bad about this, but I just snap before I have a chance to stop myself. I feel like I am being a bad Mom to him and it's not fair to him. Everynight when I lay down to go to bed I sit and think about how I need to relax and have more patience and I tell myself that tomorrow I will do better. Then I always end up stressed and taking out on him. I have got to get it together soon. I am hoping this weekend I can get my life caught up and relax a little. Another thing that I noticed that was different this time is that I keep having really sharp pains down low. I think it is the way Jax pushes on my bladder, but it hurts really bad sometime. I am also so tired of having to pee constantly. I feel like with Christian I had more bladder control. I know I peed a little more than usual with him, but this time I have to go constantly. One last thing to tell you how out of it I have been. Yesterday when I went into work I had my car keys in my hand and was heading to my locker. I keep the lock for my locker on my car key chain. I stood in front of my locker holding the remote for my car in my hand trying to unlock my locker. I did this a couple of times and even thought to myself 'I wonder why it's not beeping'. Then my friend Beth realized what I was doing about the same time that I did and we both started cracking up! At that moment I knew that I had serious lost my mind. I have definitely reached my limit with being pregnant. Now I need to just try and survive the next few weeks and hope I get everything done that I need to with some sort of sanity left.

Maternity Photo Shoot

This morning Alisann took my maternity pictures! I have been looking forward to these forever. We were going to do them back in November, but then we decided to wait so my belly would be bigger. I'm glad that we waited a little longer on them I think they will look better having a bigger belly. Alisann did some fun, cool poses with us that I am excited to see. Jason was really corporative also. I thought I would have to twist his arm to get him to take his shoes and socks off for some of the pictures, but I didn't. He did all the poses with happy, smiling face! I think he secretly really liked doing them. He even kissed my belly! He was totally against this pose for sure and we kind of did it more of as a joke. I got brave and had seen some poses on a famous photographers website and decided to do a topless pose. I am curious to see how that one turns out. I had everything covered up with my arms. We decided for our regular pictures to go with black with jeans. I wore a black bandeau for my top with dark jeans, Jason wore a black button down shirt with Jeans and Christian had on no shirt with Jeans. I think it will look pretty good. I like the simple, plain outfits for maternity shoots, because then you can focus more on the belly and the people which is what it is all about. At the end of the shoot Alisann also got a shot of Christian in a Santa Hat, which I am really excited about! I should get to see the pictures by the end of the week. I can't wait! My Christmas cards might end up being a little late this year, because I want to use these pictures on the card. I will post them on here when she gets them all finished!

34 Week Doctor's Appointment

This afternoon I went for my 34 week doctor appointment. I weighed in at a whopping 161 lbs. which means I gained 5 lbs. in a week and a half. That has to be some kind of record or something. I am thinking and hoping that it is all because I weighed in in the afternoon instead of the morning like usual and I ate a big lunch right before going in and normally I go in with an empty stomach. I guess we will see what happens at my next one. Of course Dr. Leinenbach seemed to think that it was perfectly fine and normal for me. I measured 34 weeks which is right on schedule. She confirmed that Jax is in the head down position and his heart rate was 150 bpm. I go back in 2 weeks and I will have an ultrasound and get checked at this appointment. I will also go every week from then on. Since I didn't have Christian with me today I got to talk to Dr. Leinenbach a little more which was nice. I asked her to kind of explain in more detail how getting induced would work since I had Christian on my own the last time. She said depending on how ready my cervix is I will either come in the night before or early in the morning. If my cervix needs ripening then I will come in on the 11th and they will give me medicine to soften and ripen my cervix and then first thing in the early morning she will come in and break my water. She said as soon as my water is broke I can have the epidural. That was a relief to hear. She said after my water is broke and I have my epidural they will slowly give me medicine to help my contractions along if I need it. She said that ideally they try to shoot for a baby around dinner time (5:00). I told her that that would be perfect for my schedule and my families schedule. She reminded me that it being my second one though it could go a lot faster and I could have a baby as early as lunch time. She said every person and pregnancy is different so you just never know. I kind of think that if I had to guess I would have Jax more around 3:00 p.m., but who knows. Heck my luck my water will break while I am at work still and then I really will have to rethink my plans. I go back December 23 and I will know a whole lot more then. I am really looking forward to that appointment!

34 Weeks

I am 34 weeks pregnant today! Only 6 more weeks until my due date and only 5 more weeks until I deliver if I get induced. I will be considered full term in 3 more weeks. That in it's self will be a relief! I weighed in this morning at 157. I go back to the doctor tomorrow so we will see what their scale says. My swelling is still doing good. I think the cold weather is really helping with that! I am still able to wear all my rings. I hated having to take these off when I was pregnant with Christian. I feel naked without them. My back had been hurting a lot lately and my heartburn is about unbearable. I am definitely having a hard time getting around these days with my big belly in the way. I am sleeping horribly at night also. If I am not getting up to pee then I am waking up because of puking in my mouth from the heart burn. Then once I am awake I can't get back to sleep because I start freaking out about everything and I can't get comfortable. If I lay on my back I have trouble breathing and I get tired of laying on my side. I am still super excited for Jaxson to get here, but I can't help but freak out and feel totally overwhelmed with the thought of how hard things will be. I am remembering now how hard it is to function on no sleep. The days are so hard to get through when you are exhausted and taking care of a three year old. I feel like I expect so much out of Christian and it;s because I am so tired from not sleeping that I have no patience for normal three year old behavior. Then I keep thinking that it is only going to be ten times worse when Jax gets here because then I will have two to take care of. I sometimes wonder what was I thinking, but then I feel bad for thinking that. One thing I am grateful for is that Jason is so good about getting up at night and doing feedings. He ended up getting up more than I did with Christian. Anytime I talk to him about my fears he gets a little irritated with me because he is so excited and he thinks we will be just fine! I'm sure we will survive, I just hope I don't lose my mind and sanity in the process. The crazy thing is I still want to have three or four kids. I don't know what is wrong with me! Part of me is ready right now to get this pregnancy over with and then part of me is still needing and wanting to get things finished around here. I am about half way through getting everything washed and put away for Jaxson. I am glad I decided to do that this week instead of waiting until after Christmas. We are going to have enough stuff to do around the house after Christmas and I can't believe how long it has taken for me to wash, dry, fold, and organize everything! I think Jason and I are going to try and finish our Christmas shopping tonight and then next week I think I am going to get the rest of everything that I need for the hospital and maybe even the last few things that we will need for Jaxson. I need to get all my diaper bags organized and put together. As soon as Christmas is over we are putting the Christmas decorations away and setting up everything for Jaxson. The week before I deliver I am planning on deep cleaning my house and finishing up as many Photobooks as I can. I still need to get Christian's thank you cards out from his birthday party. I wrote them all out right after his party and for some reason I keep forgetting to sit down and address them and get them in the mail! Hopefully I can get that done today also. I have a lot of blogging to catch up on from last weekend. Hopefully I can get that caught up in the next few days also. I'm telling you I feel like there is so much to do in so little time. I have about a week to a week and a half until I get checked and have another ultrasound. I am really looking forward to this appointment. I feel like then things will be set for sure then. I am a little worried that I might not be dilated yet and then I won't know what to do with work. I love my job, but this part of it really sucks. It is hard when other people depend directly on you and only you to do a certain job. I love my client to death and I like to try and be as accommodating as I can to all of them. I hate to cancel or reschedule any of them. In the 10 years that I have been a Hairstylist I have never called in sick (knock on wood). I would hate it if I had to reschedule so many people now. Well, ready or not Jaxson will come when he is ready, so I need to just relax and let it all go the way it is meant to. I am trying to take things one day at a time and get everything done in the process.