Paranoid

The last several days and really ever since the delivery I have been so paranoid about something bad happening to Lucas. I am sure it has to do with the trauma of my delivery. I just can't shake the fact that I think something bad might happen. I keep thinking that he is going to die very soon. I just don't see how we could be so lucky as to have 3 healthy, beautiful, baby boys. I just keep thinking that God is going to take take our sweet wonderful baby from us. I had a bad feeling a few weeks to months before my delivery that something bad was going to happen, and I still just can't shake this bad feeling. I think it is more enhanced now after going through the stress of the delivery and also with my hormones being all out of whack. I just love this little guy so much all ready and I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what it is about Lucas, but From the moment I saw him and when they placed him in my arms I felt this instant bond. I didn't have this feeling as strong and as soon after having the other boys. I keep telling Jason that Lucas is my baby and he will be his Mama's boy. This doesn't mean that I love my other boys any less or don't feel as close, because that is not the case at all. I just didn't expect to feel so strongly so soon with Lucas. I hope I am able to relax soon and that this paranoia is for nothing.