23 Weeks

I am 23 weeks today! I weighed in at 141 lbs. this week! I am going to start doing some group classes at the gym this week. I am going to try and get back into group power and try some water classes to go along with my walking. The walking just doesn't seem to be doing the trick anymore. I really want to do some yoga classes also. I love the relaxation and stretching of it! I have been having chocolate cravings pretty bad lately! I have also still been craving my tomatoes and now salads to along with that! I made some home made ranch dressing and blue cheese dressing the other day and it was super easy and tastes so much better than the store stuff. I doubt it is much healthier, but it tastes so good. I want to try and make some other dressings using more of a vinegar base rather than the cream base. I am trying to get back into breakfast shakes also. I am so excited to be getting our pool opened this weekend! I know I won't be getting it for awhile, but i love to sit and relax by it! i really hope we have better luck with our pool this year than we did last year! Lately I have been really feeling like such a failure as a mom with jax. I have been thinking about all the things I used to do with christian all the time and how I don't do hardly any of these things with Jax. I feel just awful about it. Christian and I had so much one on one time together and we went and did everything. We went to the zoo, the children's museum, New Harmony, The parks, to feed the ducks. We made train sets, did puzzles, played lincoln logs, and legos. We worked with his tools, raced trucks and cars, did finger paints, made crafts, read tons of books, drew with sidewalk chalk, did the 'spider' on the swings and just swung on the swings together. We did so much stuff and we did it a lot. I have done most of this stuff with Jax, but just not to the extent that I did with christian. I know a lot of it is because we are busier and I have Lucas also who is too little for some of this stuff. There is a million reasons (excuses) why I haven't done with Jax like Christian, but I still have this guilt that the days are going by faster and faster and I just can't do everything like I want to. I feel like Jax is getting cheated and its not fair! Last night Christian was taking a shower and getting ready for bed and Lucas was busy helping Daddy with the patio door. This was the perfect opportunity to have some mommy and Jax time. I asked him if he wanted to make a train set with me. His sweet little face just lit up and he was so excited to do this! It didn't take long and Christian joined in on helping us and the three of us built the biggest train set ever. Jax had so much fun setting up his area which was a zoo. It was a great night! I need to do this more often! I am worried that once Elijah gets here it will be even harder to give each of my boys the individual attention that they all need and deserve. My heartburn is back and getting a little unbearable, but I am still just taking tums for now! I am wearing some maternity clothes and still some regular clothes. I am still getting up at least once at night to pee and I have to pee every hour during the day! My goal for this week is to try and get the boys' closets cleaned out and organized and to have jason bring the boys' totes up stairs so I can goo through them and organize or get rid of stuff. I have started making piles of stuff to put in the yard sale. I am in the mood to really simplify and declutter my life. I am really stressing over what to keep on the kids' art work and how to organize it all. I need ideas and suggestions! I go to the doctor Thursday and I am looking forward to hearing the heart beat. I always love to hear that sound!